"Back in the day", before my conversion to salsa, I "lived" in R&B clubs. I actually spent more time at Little J's, the Jackie Robinson VFW, Crystal Rose, Red Onion, Downstairs Room, Jukebox Jury, Dillons, etc., than I spent at home. Home is where I changed clothes and slept when I didn't get lucky (just kidding, of course). While it was still a bit bothersome, I did notice a certain level of RESPECT in my R&B clubs that I haven't noticed in the last two weeks in salsa clubs. It was taboo, it was like asking for a "whupping", for someone to stroll up to a table where a man was heavily engaged in conversation with his date, introduce himself and excuse his abruptness, give the woman his business card and let her know that he'd like to go out with her when she was available. All of this is the presence of her date!

It was also an invitation for some serious repercussions when again, a stranger would interrupt the conversation between a man and his date, and ask the woman to dance to Teddy Pendergrass'"Close The Door", pull her onto the dance floor and begin to make "peanut butter" - all in the presence of the date. To add insult to injury, after the song has concluded, the stranger attempts to pull the woman to another side of the room to continue his conversation and to get the "digits". Again, in the presence of the woman's date!

To you who have frequented clubs in the hood, this WOULD NEVER happen. We all know what the consequences and reactions to these actions would be. Unfortunately, someone(s) would be in the hospital (or morgue) and someone else would be in jail. Not to be naive or overly saintly, we have all been in social settings where we have "admired" someone's date. Out of respect, most of us "step off" and don't make a move. Still others, still showing distain and disrespect, are much more subtle in our effort. Hey, he's got to go to the bathroom or to the bar sooner or later. On the other hand, she's got to go to the ladies room sooner or later. The dark corridors leading to the bathroom presents an opportunity for slipping that business card discreetly. His absence from her table because of his bathroom or bar run presents another discreet opportunity for "slipping that card" and getting out of the way. Again, though its not cool and not respectful, it IS discreet.

I know that RESPECT is a big thing in the salsa community. I've seen what results in other countries when "gringos" disrespect men and their dates in clubs. That Latin machismo is something else. One time, in Puerto Vallarte, I saw a "gringo" lose an ear because he didn't show a Latin brother his due respect and ask him if it was ok for him to dance with his date. I know that this is a generalization, but what's going on in our salsa clubs? What's up with the respect for "couples" who like to hang-out and dance? To me, its common decency to always "ask first" when approaching a man and woman in conversation. "Asking first" lets you know "what's going on with the couple", if indeed, they are a couple. It also shows that you have respect for them as a couple and for him/or her as a man/or woman. If they are a couple, it should signal what you can do and can't do when dancing with her. Because salsa can be very sensual and intimate, "asking first" helps you to temper your dance accordingly. Come on, certain "dips" are just not appropriate in that situation because they don't show him or her much respect. Afterall, she is not YOUR date.

Maybe its me, but RESPECT is something that should transcend every aspect of our life...respect for ourselves and respect for others. I have to admit that it was fun actually taking a date out dancing salsa. It was great having one's "special partner" there to playfully and sensuously "flow" with to the rhythms of Jose Alberto, Angel Canales, Tito, etc. But, experiences of the last two weeks, seem to suggest that dates are for movies and dinners and not for nights out on the town hitting salsa clubs. Man, that's so unfortunate!!!!!!